The Blackbird
by GeoffreyF
Summary: There is so much that Arthur doesn't understand, but for Gaius, the time for keeping silent is over.


The Blackbird

Gaius stands at his window, swirling a cup of tea that has long since gone cold. He should have got used to this feeling by now, he tells himself ruefully. But somehow he can never quite suppress the thrill of fear that rises in him when he barges into Merlin's room to tell him to get a move on and drag himself out of bed, only to find the bed empty and too perfect.

And it's not as though Merlin has ever failed to come back – eventually, at least. Gaius trusts Merlin, he does, but he's also seen the souvenirs Merlin brings back from these midnight missions, and he can't help feeling protective of his boy. A paternal instinct, he thinks to himself, surprised, and he smiles sadly.

There is a commotion out in the passageway, but Gaius doesn't stir. He knows it's not Merlin – he's grown to recognise Merlin's furtive step – and he isn't sure he wants to talk to anyone else, least of all this particular individual.

"Merlin!" comes the call, and the door crashes open. Not even a knock, Gaius says to himself, a little angrily. Deliberately, he doesn't turn around.

"Gaius!" Out of the corner of his eye, Gaius can see that Arthur has tucked his shirt into his belt loops. "Where is that lazy idiot? I needed him an hour ago."

Normally, Gaius would concoct some cock-and-bull story at this point. But he doesn't really feel he has it in him at the moment.

"He's not here," he says simply, making eye contact with a blackbird perched rakishly on the next windowsill.

"I can see that," says Arthur, irritably – and loudly. Has Arthur always been quite so loud? "Where is he?"

"I fear I do not know, sire." The blackbird chirps at him – mouthy little thing.

"Typical," comes the response, in a tone Gaius is finding particularly grating this morning. "I can't trust that idiot to do anything right. Doesn't he _know_ I have to meet Lord Aswyn today?"

"I'm sure he does." Is it his imagination, or is the blackbird's expression faintly disgusted?

"And yet he has some other engagement. God knows it would kill him to do his job for once. What I wouldn't give for a competent servant."

"Hm," is all the response Gaius can muster. The blackbird gives him one last look, as if to say, _By all that is holy, I'm a blackbird, you doddering old fool_, and flies off. Gaius watches it busy itself in the shrubbery and realises that it isn't the blackbird that's disgusted.

"Well, tell him to haul his lazy arse in front of me when he gets back, if he can manage it," Arthur says, and turns to go.

Finally, Gaius turns from the window. "I wish you wouldn't, sire."

Arthur is surprised, and more than a little puzzled. He doesn't even seem angry. "Gaius? Wouldn't what?"

Gaius feels a little dizzy. He can't quite believe he's doing this, but at the same time, he doesn't understand why he's held back for all these years. "I wish you wouldn't run him down all the time, Arthur."

Arthur's surprise deepens, and he even gives a little laugh, although he manages to cut it off because he can see that Gaius is actually deadly serious. "What, Merlin? He expects it, Gaius! And you can't tell me he really is a good servant; you know I only keep him on because I enjoy his company."

"He is the best servant, sire, but I do know why you keep him on. I'm not sure Merlin does, though."

A shadow of uncertainty creeps into Arthur's expression. "Of course he does." He looks, like Gaius, as though he can't quite believe they're talking about this. "That's just – it's how we are. He calls me a prat at least twice a day."

"Mm," says Gaius. "And, if someone were so bold as to ask you, what would you say Merlin feels about you?"

Gaius has never seen Arthur quite so bemused. "I'd say – well, I don't know, Gaius, I have no idea what goes on in that head of his – "

"How do you think Merlin regards you?" Gaius persists.

"He ..." Arthur pauses. "Gaius, is this really –?" Gaius quells him with a look. He is quite glad that he knows Arthur as well as he does, because otherwise he suspects that he would find this deliberate obtuseness infuriating. As it is, he only knows it means he's striking close to home.

"Well," says Arthur, reluctantly, "I'd say he is one of the most loyal people I've ever met and that I am privileged to be in receipt of that loyalty. Is that what you want to hear?"

Gaius smiles properly for the first time. "In the vicinity of it, Arthur, although I think you're being a little conservative. You are the most important thing in the world to Merlin – you are his entire life – and you have been for almost a decade now. I think you know that."

Arthur looks acutely embarrassed, which Gaius enjoys immensely and is, for once, hardly ashamed at all about it.

Arthur is looking at him very strangely. "Gaius, what's this all about? You can't really think Merlin doesn't ... doesn't know that I value him, can you?"

Gaius tells himself, a little tersely, that he can't let himself get carried away here. He's not doing this for fun, he's doing it for his boy, the boy who, as he's finally realised, is more important to him than every Pendragon problem put together.

"I think he knows you find him diverting, sire," he says carefully.

Arthur sits down heavily.

"Has he gone, then? Back there, to the village?" He looks at Gaius, who can see that Arthur is trying very hard indeed to be professional but can't quite hide a glimmer of fear.

"To Ealdor?" Gaius sits down opposite Arthur, and peers at him thoughtfully, too astonished to be angry. "My God, you really don't understand at all, do you?"

"Then where is he?" Gaius can see Arthur getting irritated again. "Damn it all, Gaius, you've got me worried for him now. Where the hell is he?"

"I told you the truth, Arthur. I have no idea where Merlin is, but I am sure that whatever he is doing, he is doing it for you."

Arthur leans back, utterly confused and more than a little sceptical.

Gaius takes a deep breath. "Arthur, I need you to listen to me now. The time is drawing near where you will discover something about Merlin. It is not something I can tell you, and it is something he has always tried very hard to keep from you, but he will not be able to for much longer." Arthur looks intrigued despite himself, but Gaius can see that he's not taking it as seriously as he should, so he goes on, "When it happens – you must remember that everything Merlin does is for you. Just – just remember that. Just that."

But he can tell that he's lost Arthur, who bursts out laughing. "What's come over you this morning, Gaius?" he chuckles. "I've never heard anything so melodramatic. I assure you, whatever ridiculous secret Merlin is hiding will not change my feelings about him one jot." He stands up to leave, and then has a moment's hesitation. "But you should stop worrying, Gaius. Really. Merlin's my friend, I wouldn't abandon him."

He has no _idea_, Gaius thinks to himself hopelessly. The truth about Merlin is something so foreign it doesn't even cross the farthest reaches of Arthur's mind. And yet he has to try, once more, because he is suddenly realising that he's allowed Merlin to suffer needlessly for far, far too long. Somewhat deliriously, Gaius realises that, although he will always be fond of Arthur, he doesn't really care about the House of Pendragon anymore. He doesn't care about Camelot, or Uther's legacy. There is only one person he cares about, and it's taken him all this time to understand.

"Arthur," he says, recklessly seizing the king's hand, "please. Merlin ... he is absolutely convinced that if you find this secret out, you will have him executed."

For a moment, he's terrified that he's said too much. He drops the king's hand hurriedly. Has he made it obvious, or is it only because Merlin and magic go so naturally together in his mind?

But it still doesn't seem to occur to Arthur, who is so convinced he knows everything there is to know about Merlin. It does shake him, though, and he sits back down.

"He hasn't killed someone, has he?"

Gaius is about to gratefully answer in the negative when he realises he can't, so he says instead, "That is not what he is concerned about. Arthur, he thinks that there is a possibility that you would send him to the pyre, for any reason. I believe, with all my heart, that that will never, would never, happen. I need – I just ask that you make sure that Merlin knows it too."

For a very long time, there is silence. Gaius watches every inch of Arthur's face, but for someone who is so open so much of the time, Arthur is unreadable. After what seems like an age, Arthur stands, but slowly this time.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Gaius," he says, and when he leaves, he shuts the door quietly behind him.

Gaius stands up himself, and goes back to the window. The blackbird is nowhere to be seen.


End file.
